On September 24, 2018, I began a new chapter in my life: I retired. While I do like the leisure it allows me since I am prone to sloth, I loathe the label of senior citizen status. However, I do find solace that many say I don’t look old enough to retire. I try my best to believe them. Most everyone perceives me to be around 10 years younger than I really am, which I find very gratifying since I'm incredibly shallow and superficial.

When they assume I’m even younger than that, I try to ascertain what medication they're on, and if they're willing to share. To be honest, I don't indulge in anything mind altering. I've been sober over 30 years, and while I don't mind if someone drinks socially, I find it offensive when someone drinks as much as Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh apparently did in the early 80s, especially when I’m buying.

Originally, I was an English major at UCLA, but never enrolled in the class, Common Sense 101. After graduation I decided to delay adulthood by pursuing a career in comedic acting and standup comedy. This extended childhood lasted over twenty years until I decided to schedule my second mid-life crisis. I would finally use my college degree by becoming a high school English teacher.

While I taught for almost 16 years, I always found it incredibly challenging, but rewarding. I enjoyed my job, especially when I was on semester break. I relate to individuals of all ages, especially when they're kids at heart; undoubtedly the reason I enjoyed my students so much.

While I was known as the class clown back when I was in high school, the same was true for me as a teacher. Students soon learned that in my classroom, I’m the class clown; the age appropriate, wannabe class clowns merely my supporting cast of players. That being said, I did encourage my student class clowns to develop their own, unique sense of humor, motivating them with insightful, academic approaches to wit, and imaginative techniques about how they could become even funnier, despite how detrimental this could be to my well-being while teaching. I’m a giver….

I always felt a special bond with the class clowns, as it is such a unique calling. You can’t learn how to be funny, but if you’ve got it, you can develop it, like going to the gym; but in this case, more of a psychological, jokey gym. I learned to give away what I have for myself, my karmic comedy credo, and always willing to be the butt of a joke.

My unique sense of humor began as it does for many, because of an emotional void in childhood. Since my dad was emotionally constipated concerning fondness and affection, I thought he didn’t love me, so I sought approval elsewhere, as I still do….

When my family moved during the last month of 3rd grade, it became a life altering event for me. In my anxious 8-year-old mind, not knowing anyone in my new class meant I was now a social outcast for eternity, unless I did something about it. Considering I had this overwhelming imperative to be popular, I instinctively knew there were few options to remedy my new lot in life. My grades proved I couldn’t distinguish myself by being the most intelligent, nor could I be the most athletic, especially since I had been informed on countless occasions that I throw the ball like a girl. (I still do, even more so if that’s possible, proving some things never change.) Add being gay, whether I knew it or not, and you have a feasible formula for funny; just simmer and serve….

So here's the bottom line: While I can be intelligent and insightful, I counter this by being gullible and naïve. I’m strong, yet timid, caring but sarcastic, and while having no sense of direction, I’m driven. Rare, yet well done, I’m hiding, yet seeking, and all the while being very public, yet particularly private.  I’m all about the balance. While seemingly an oxymoron, I am never a contradiction in terms. And while I’m selfish, I share. This is where you come in, dear reader….